Personal Boundaries & The Increasingly Invasive Virtual World
Boundaries are healthy.
All the time, really, but especially in times of high stress, boundaries are healthy and important.
I am a huge fan (maybe even THE #1 FAN) of connecting with people and developing stronger, sustainable, nurturing relationships. The coronavirus situation that sees millions of people working from home has created some weird social experiments, and some of them are kind of cool. I love seeing people who have never cooked for themselves trying to create sourdough starter like their many-generations-ago ancestors or learning the joy of virtual board games or more random acts of kindness among neighbors.
And the acknowledgment that we are *gasp* multifaceted people with more going on in our lives than whatever we normally bring into the office has the potential to shake up the way people see each other. Surprise! We REALLY are… parents, musicians, artists, lovers of zombie movies, as well as butchers, bakers, and financial analysts and a whole slew of interesting other things, too.
And I’ve been talking about the worrisome trend of touch deprivation, emotional isolation and disintegrating social connections for years, so seeing people forced to peel back the layers of unhealthy coping mechanisms that we’ve collectively been trying to use to fill those gaps and take a good hard look at what true human needs we’ve been ignoring? Yes. Bring it on!
BUT.
Boundaries are still healthy. Brene’ Brown said “You don’t measure vulnerability by the amount of disclosure,” and there is power in those words.
Yes, we need to be OK with the reality that somebody’s toddler may come streaking (literally or figuratively) across the screen in a Zoom call. Welcome to parenting (and if that’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happens as a parent, well… congratulations. You win!). We may have pets photobombing our presentations. There may be the occasional awkward background conversation we become privy to accidentally because, well, we’re now trying to conduct our lives as if we’re in some Dali-esque version of “Big Brother” where our only real social connections are through our video cameras, and dang it, common core math makes ME want to have a tantrum and my kids aren’t even in K-12 school anymore!
The key there? All of those experiences are accidental glimpses into the parts of our lives we might rather keep private. And cuddling your child while you discuss this week’s earnings because your kiddo is stressed by the extreme weirdness they’ve found themselves thrust into, well, that’s a “best case under the circumstances” solution. Giving your team a tour of your house and “surprising” your kids with a photo op? Sharing personal and private details of somebody’s medical situation without their explicit consent? Taking your tablet into the bathroom so you can answer nature’s call AND your colleague’s call at the same time?
- Maybe not.
- Absolutely not.
- And, WHAT?! C’mon!!
Blurring the lines between “home” and “work” lives needs to be a decision made with care. Inviting my colleagues (virtually) into my home may be out of my control, but just how MUCH of my personal life I choose to share is still something I want and deserve to manage as much as possible, based on MY comfort level. Consent matters, y’all.
So before you create “team-building exercises” that involve virtual tours of your house, or family sing-along challenges, or any other line-blurring activity, take a step back and think about it, be mindful, and take into consideration not just your boundaries, but those of everyone else in your life.
Unsure what those are? It might be a conversation well worth having. Please, build those relationships by sharing authentically — and intentionally. And if your colleagues’ boundaries are different than yours, respect that, too. After all, mutual respect is a huge part of psychological safety (not to mention just being a decent person).
